What Will You Tell Your Son About Your Porn Habit?

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

 

Okay, you’re 42, married with a 13-year-old son. And you struggle with porn. You’ve always struggled with porn. It started at age 12 with girly magazines your best friend would steal from his dad. As you got older, you discovered pornography was everywhere to be found on the Internet. You would spend hours searching for images and masturbating. And here you are today, 30 years later and still struggling with the same shameful behavior.

But what have you done to try to stop other than the useless white knuckle attempts made when your wife had a meltdown after catching you once again? Nothing.  No counseling. No support group. No sponsor. No educational efforts. No 12-Step Program. You've done nothing but promise you will try harder next time.

Your wife has already caught you several times. How long will it be before your son stumbles across what you have been putting into your eyes? You know it’s just a matter of time. You can’t keep it hidden forever. It will come out into the light.

“And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.” John 3:19-21

What will you tell him about your addiction? How would you explain it away?

“Son, it’s not really a big deal. All men do this.” Is that the message you will deliver to him?

Or maybe you’ll say this:  “Son, pornography is not a good thing but it is a disease that affects all men. We don’t want to watch it but we simply don’t have any control. Just try to keep it out of sight and not let women know you’re watching.”

Those types of replies may help you feel less guilty, but they will serve to simply pass along your dreaded addiction to another generation. You son needs to understand the truth about pornography and the negative impact it has on those who view it; family members; and the individuals who participate in it. But he can’t learn about the evils of porn until you stop abusing sex and start rebuilding your legacy as a father, husband, and man of God?

“But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.” 1 Timothy 6:11

Perhaps, today is the day you start creating your new legacy.  Schedule a counseling appointment; arrange to attend a support group; find a sponsor; educate yourself about the disorder; and expose your sin to the light.

As you work on overcoming your addiction, you can one day say to you son. “Son, we need to talk about a very serious subject that can cause great harm to men, women, and families. That is pornography. If you allow it to enter your eyes, it will slowly destroy your mind and integrity. I should know. At one time I was addicted to pornography. Today, I want to take steps to ensure you will never have to deal with the shame and guilt that I did. I want you to be a Godly man, who respects women and knows how to properly give and receive love. And I do this because I love you.”