By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
Father’s Day is quickly approaching. Father’s Day is a time where our wives and children honor us for our commitment to family. In that role, we have elected to protect them, while serving as the spiritual leaders of our home. We are respected and admired for the time and effort and give to our loved ones. It is a day to recognize we are blessed by the family God has given us.
“Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.” Psalm 128:3-4 ESV
Yes, Father’s Day is meant to recognize us as patriarch of our families.
But the truth is many of us are frauds.
We are failing as fathers not because we don’t play catch in the yard; wipe away tears; or teach during teachable moments. We are failing because beneath the exterior - what presents as a model dad - is a shameful figure who takes great care to protect his dirty little secret.
He has a pornography problem.
Imagine if our children were to discover what takes place when everyone goes to bed and we retreat into the office. Could you picture the look on their faces if they were to accidently catch us leering at the sordid imagines?
In fact, many fathers have been caught by their children. Ask any man who experienced that moment what it was like to know they had shattered their children’s image of them forever. Not only are they tainted in their children’s eyes, more importantly, they have exposed their kids to the ugliness of pornography. Who knows what type of impact that will have on a child as he/she continues their development.
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.” Mark 9:42 ESV
Are you prepared to be the one responsible for polluting the minds of your children should they accidently run across your pornography collection, or stumble upon a website you neglected to delete from your history?
But if that indeed is how you feel why not take the steps you need to rid yourself of this problem?
Start by taking these two initial steps:
1. Bring it into the light
Your journey to sobriety starts with confessing your sins by telling someone you can trust about your struggles. It may be a good friend; your own father or brother; or your pastor. But once that is done you need to confess to your wife. Although it most likely will be very painful for her, she deserves to know what you have been battling and allowing her the opportunity to walk beside you as you begin your quest to conquer the problem.
2. Get a community
There is one fact about defeating a pornography program that can’t be disputed: you can’t do it alone. It is an addiction and the temptations will be strong. You need help and that includes: a counselor who specializes in treating pornography addictions; a support group and a sponsor. These individuals serve to help you in moments when you feel weak but, more importantly, they will help you better understand why you turned to pornography in the first place.
This Father’s Day become the dad your children think you are and take the steps necessary to start a new legacy that will carry on for generations. Generations that believes…”But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15 ESV